Home  ✧   Albums  ✧   Part 112: Cylinder: Total War

Part 112: Cylinder: Total War

Narrated by Daniel The Finn

  1. Intro

    Hey has anyone heard of that cool superhero movie coming soon yeah here’s some cool oc based on that, isn’t it cool? good work /u/…

  2. Melon Map

    [insert clever and observant melon map caption here] Coiot's Note: The three biggest cities are huddled next to each other in Paci…

  3. Tile Accurate Map

    [insert clever and observant tile accurate map caption here] Coiot's Note: Even at the end, Italy remains split, how wonderful, n.…

  4. PR Slide

    Because of time constraints I’ll have to write the caption for the PR slide before seeing it. Man, look at all those big numbers…

  5. 1

    UNFADE THE FLAIRS The highlight of the last part (aside from the whole boring total war thing) was definitely the unexpected and…

  6. 2

    UNFADE ANOTHER FLAIR And that’s not all! Thanks to the Blackfoot, Hawaii is back as well on one of the Hawaiian islands! Now all…

  7. 3

    Hey look, Australia and Vietnam are fighting in Indonesia! I am sure this won't turn into a pointless meatgrinder where the same c…

  8. 4

    You know, it's nice when the numbers of the image files go from 3 to 8. Suddenly you start worrying about the download having gone…

  9. 8

    Sibir is not fond of the Inuit's idea and sends forth legions of biotroopers to take their rightful clay. And yes, Mongolia still…

  10. 6

    Just a little further south Australia has taken Tabriz from Mongolia. This total war sure is creating a lot of bordergore... if on…

  11. 7

    Vietnamese legions of biotroopers and robots desperately fight Brazilian paratrooper corps and XCOM squads in the Bengalese swamps…

  12. 5

    "Who will take it?" Well fucking guess who just did, last week's narrator. Brazil takes Wulungarra from Straya and makes the Boer…

  13. 9

    Sibir, alongside with Australia, is the only real "threat" to Brazil, and I put the word in quotation marks. Even they don't have…

  14. 10

    Finns grab some mämmi, sit on the porches of their homes and watch the distant lightshow reflect on the surface of a calm and sti…

  15. 11

    Hey look literally nothing has changed since last part. I could replace this with a slide from last part and you couldn't tell the…

  16. 12

    wait hold the fuck on didn't Iceland own most of these cities last turn that'd be scary if I wasn't used to this by now (thanks t…

  17. 13

    BY THE GODS LOOK AT ALL THIS EXCITING ACTION IN THIS IMAGE! MILLIONS DEAD! ANCIENT CITIES ERADICATED BY NUCLEAR HELLFIRE! LONG-DEA…

  18. 14

    The CARNAVAL has arrived in the streets of Paris! It didn't take long for almost everything here to get conquered by Brazil. Poor…

  19. 15

    Meanwhile in the South, Brazil's progress in Western Africa is the complete opposite of their progress in Western Europe. By that…

  20. 16

    hey look, absolutely nothing has happened here. wow. I'm sure Brazil will have fun conquering the Isles of Cancer, as I like to c…

  21. 17

    Poor Inuit. They've been my second favourite civ since I started following CBR. It was fun watching them slowly creep southward, s…

  22. 18

    Ekeuhnick: Fuck you Pedro, do you know how fucking hard it was to take these lands from Canada? Constant artillery bombardment, co…

  23. 19

    Oh yeah Ivvavik fell. Apparently that's not important according to the narrator of the last part, who doesn’t even know what the I…

  24. 20

    Australian carriers form a wall around Honolulu to prevent it from falling again. Or maybe they're protecting Hawaii? Nah, I'm 99%…

  25. 21

    Remember that cliffhanger from last part? Hard to say exactly what has happened here, but it doesn't look like Australia is winnin…

  26. 22

    Almost all of Mexicarrr has fallen, the Nassau Canal has been taken, Huamanga has been conquered and half the buccaneer military s…

  27. 23

    Palenque and Port-Au-Prince hold for now, but there are fewer defenders than before and more attackers. Palenque will fall next tu…

  28. 24

    Computer processors coldly calculate millions of painful and horrifying deaths all across the cylinder. For hours, they labour. Mo…

  29. 25

    Ivvavik is retaken, then taken again. The frozen capital of the once mighty Inuit has turned into a ghost town. Yet the Inuit do n…

  30. 26

    Well, almost. But the Inuit refuse to be swiftly conquered and throw all they have at the southerners. Brazil's victory may be ine…

  31. 27

    Brazil seems to have made zero progress here. But they have brought reinforcements. In the next turn, the offensive in this region…

  32. 28

    As I predicted, Palenque and Parana have fallen. But what I didn't predict was the Buccs taking back Maracaibo and Chicken Pizza,…

  33. 29

    Because Brazil does have ships of their own, and plenty of them. They're just coming from another direction. Cartagena falls and…

  34. 30

    The soldiers defending York have some amazing new liquid substance which gives them astonishing strength and speed. Two of the sol…

  35. 31

    Sweden takes Malmö, Brazil takes Wroclaw. Nothing else happens. Brazil seems to be focusing its efforts elsewhere.

  36. 32

    Perhaps here, on the Eastern Front? Long Xuyen, a Sibir salient, has fallen, as have the cities of Nedong and Tashkent. Judging by…

  37. 33

    Most of the cities here that were in the black fall: Yerevan, Yervantashat and Ghazni. Only Carrollton holds. The Caucasus is almo…

  38. 34

    Vietnam does retake Lahore, but it is in vain as most of their forces here have vanished. I mean who the hell am I kidding, their…

  39. 35

    Karakorum is surrounded. It is one of the three remaining Mongol cities. Legions of Sibir biotroopers close in on the city, which…

  40. 36

    Sibir cuts the head of the Inuit snek and continues to chop it up into pieces (i'm sorry if you like snakes). Khonuu has a decent…

  41. 37

    As the peace treaty between Vietnam and Korea is no longer in effect, Sejong has reoccupied many of the cities he gave away, while…

  42. 38

    The Australians seem to have captured another city in Asia and advance on almost completely defenceless Korean cities. A little fu…

  43. 39

    Parkes has fully secured the Philippines while the Vietnamese fleet prevents any landing attempts in Southeast Asia. I feel like t…

  44. 40

    Another turn, more death. Not only has Australia secured the Philippines, but the Japanese isles and the women and the children to…

  45. 41

    Well, to be honest Australia has almost secured the Japanese isles, for Korea still holds Osaka and Kanazawa. And here they actual…

  46. 42

    Korean units begin to arrive in Inuit lands, Australian units continue to advance towards Korean cities.

  47. 43

    You might notice in the upper left corner that Khonuu is the new capital of the Mongol empire. Genghis Khan had no option but to s…

  48. 44

    The Brazilians have reached the Roof of the World. Pedro visits it in person, looks down at the world around him and proclaims "Al…

  49. 45

    The infamous meatgrinder will not happen again, simply because Vietnam doesn't have that many units at all here. The Sibir have pe…

  50. 46

    Karakorum has indeed fallen, as has Tomtor. Khonuu is the last remaining Mongolian city, and already half of its garrison is dead…

  51. 47

    Carrolton holds, as does the rest of the Sibir-Brazil front. Brazilians seem to lack units here, unlike the Sibir who have a neat…

  52. 48

    Brazil makes slow progress on the Northern Front, and is about to take Vantaa. Helsinki is threatened as well. Sweden has plenty o…

  53. 49

    The city of Icelanders with superpowers remains free. But just like the village in the comics likely fell to the Romans eventually…

  54. 50

    Hastings is about to fall too, but it at least has plenty of ships surrounding it. Some of them are not carriers, so flipping is l…

  55. 51

    Brazil STILL hasn't taken Icelandic Africa, despite having large hordes of puke green soldiers everywhere. Is Mini-Pedro unable to…

  56. 52

    Or perhaps Mini-Pedro was simply focusing his attention on Africarr. Which has now ceased to exist. The Buccaneers are back to ex…

  57. 53

    Speaking of the Buccs, let’s check how they’re doing! Nevis is surprisingly the only city to fall here. The mountains around Port…

  58. 54

    More years pass, and the front in the north does not move. The Inuit hold. Pedro is annoyed, because he’s used to his forces easil…

  59. 55

    Whatever it is, it has made Operation Samba fail to make any progress in Inuit-held Canada, despite the size of the green army. Pe…

  60. 56

    Icelandic soldiers take advantage of the Inuit’s weakness and seize Husavik. A Brazilian captain sends a message to them, sarcasti…

  61. 57

    The lands might be ravaged by ceaseless war, but the seas are doing great! The pacific garbage patch has been considerably reduced…

  62. 58

    No continent is safe from total war, not even Antarctica. Quandan falls to the Brazilians and Tamworth is next. Further west, the…

  63. 59

    Fuck that, I'm almost done. I need to keep going. Mini-Pedro and Pedro are not stupid. They simply choose a target region, conque…

  64. 60

    Well, except the tenacious city of York. The Brazilian legions have assembled around the city and are ready to attack for the last…

  65. 61

    The Brazilians are adaptable. They can deploy anywhere in the world like Finnish paratroopers. They can crush the enemy with an ov…

  66. 62

    Robotic legions advance in silence all across the Eastern Front. Cities fall, enemies are eliminated, progress is made, people are…

  67. 63

    Kabul has fallen. Hrazdan has fallen. Carrolton has fallen. Morelia has fallen. Kuchum Khan does not understand. He's doing every…

  68. 64

    Just as Sibir robots are about to capture Khost, a squad of trollish Brazilian XCOMs lands in the city and takes it from Vietnam.…

  69. 65

    Sibirians drive Australians away from Tabriz and continue to advance towards their arch enemy, whose empty lands are ripe for the…

  70. 66

    The Australian Asian exclave ceases to exist as Brazilians take Ambarchik. Further north, both Sibir and the Inuit have decent arm…

  71. 67

    no wait go back I need to know where Pyongyang went! ... Ladies and gentlemen, I think Korea nuked Pyongyang out of existence. L…

  72. 68

    Koreans assault the Kamchatkan peninsula but fail to capture any cities. They did manage to take Sendai, on the Kuril islands. Th…

  73. 69

    Turns out my fears were not unfounded at all. Australia takes a city, Australia loses a city. Vietnam loses a city, Vietnam takes…

  74. 70

    The bell tolls for the Boers. Djarindjin has fallen. The Brazilians are coming. Mini-Pedro will stand victorious and the Civil War…